Yes, it IS a problem

I wish I knew where the phrase “you’re welcome” has gone.  I almost never hear it any more, particularly at work.  Instead, when someone says “thank you,” the usual answer I hear is “no problem.”

“No problem?”  What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?  The phrase doesn’t make any particular sense in the conversation’s context, and it certainly doesn’t do anything to acknowledge the thanks that were offered.  Are you telling me that I, personally, am not a problem?  That it’s not a problem to help me?  That you didn’t get your calculus homework done and so have no problems ready?  Any of those are possible answers, and all are almost equally nonsensical.

For heaven’s sake, if someone thanks you for something, simply reply “You’re welcome.”  It’s the conventional reply, and moreover the correct reply.  If you just have to, add something like “glad to help,” or “it’s my pleasure.”  But quit trying to dance around saying “you’re welcome.”  It’s unclear, it’s slangy, and it’s wrong.

Henry the Hamster played the photon-powered CD.  Fnord.