Observations Upon the Making of Smoked Beef

Whenever I crank up the smoker— which I did this afternoon, despite the slow rain that’s going on—I wind up smelling pretty loudly of smoke myself, like a chimney.  A nice chimney, mind you, because I only use windfall pecan wood from my trees in the smoker, but still a chimney.

I’ve had people look at me oddly if I tell them that I only use wood from the woodpile in my smoker.  It’s as though they can’t imagine trying to have a cooking fire without involving charcoal briquets somehow.  Whyever would I want to do that?  First, the pecan is a nutwood of the hickory family, which makes it a fine fuel for smoking meats.  Second, it’s free.  If my own trees haven’t been shedding branches (which rarely happens, because pecans just do that; it’s how they are) I can replenish the woodpile when I need by picking up windfall branches around the neighborhood that other people have set out for recycling.  I have to pay for charcoal or those silly little hickory chips you’re supposed to pitch into a water smoker.  I like free lots better than pay, even when I’m not broke.

I started the fire using only one match, as a point of honor.  Whenever possible (and that’s most of the time) I won’t use charcoal lighter to start the fire.  Anyone who knows about making fires ought to be able to get one going with a match, a few sheets of newspaper and some twigs.  Once it was burning nicely (which required a certain amount of careful fanning) and the flue was drawing properly, I loaded up a little-bitty brisket I bought several months ago.  It only weighs five and a half pounds, and I think this may be the only packer-trim brisket I’ve ever seen that weighed less than ten.  I mean, packer-trim briskets just don’t come in sizes less’n nine pounds, in my experience.  Often I have to hunt and hunt, and turn over every brisket in the meat case, to find one that’s smaller than twelve.  And unless it’s a special situation, I only buy briskets when they go on special for a dollar a pound; I just can’t see buying them at a buck and a quarter when HEB runs them as loss-leaders for 99¢ every so often.  When they do that I’ll buy two or maybe three, and freeze them against future need.

I suppose I’d better go now and poke the fire, and see if I need to throw another billet on; I’m trying to use up the termite-infested stuff at the bottom of the pile, which is also a bit damp and smokes nicely.  The burnt termites don’t seem to affect the flavor of the meat any.

I wanted to make the rounds of the yard sales this morning, because the neighborhood was absolutely infested with them, but I only got to two, one of which was being run by the woman who chairs the neighborhood association’s planning team.  (It was something to do with the lack of money).  Fortunately, I didn’t see anything at either sale that called out to me to buy it.  After that I went in and worked four hours’ overtime, since I need to take advantage as much as I can if they’re going to be offering.  I’m getting the hang of the data entry now; the guy running the project says that he wants to have each person doing data entry get 700 applications done in an eight-hour day.  Today I did 446 in four hours.  He ought to be pleased that I’m making so many over his minimum, and I’m certainly pleased at it.  With a little practice, I hope to get over a thousand a day.

Your place is illuminated with a puce ice cream.  Fnord.