What I Did on My Holidays, Part the Fourth

We didn’t get back to Fallston until almost time to dress for the first party of L’s reunion, an all-years event that also served as a farewell for the women’s field hockey coach, who was retiring after thirty-some years.  One speaker almost brought down the house by pulling out and donning her hockey uniform of thirty years before, an awful mud-brown polyester tunic and bloomers.  She also observed that unlike today, when facemasks are standard equipment, in the Old Days players only got to wear a face mask after they’d been smashed across the face once.

I dressed more-or-less informally for the party, wearing kilt and poet’s blouse, and at once found myself in demand by all the photographers.  I don’t suppose they get very many Scots coming to reunions, since the school is mostly upper-class and Jewish.  The upper-class part must have helped with the catering, as did having the caterer’s executive chef be a school alumnus, because the buffet was absolutely delicious.  We got bœuf tartare garnished with cress, pepper-marinated beef tenderloin, and a selection of GOOD cheeses.  For the goyim, the Reform contingent, and the more broad-minded Conservatives, there was also a Maryland crab dip that I didn’t sample.

After that whoop-te-do, Saturday was relatively calm.  L’s brother and his girlfriend had flown down from Maine, so the entire family—L’s mother, L and her sister and brother, spouses and SOs, the five grandchildren, and even L’s grandmother, who is 95 and stone-deaf—were all together at one time, and there’s no telling when or whether THAT will ever happen again.  It was my niece Kate’s birthday as well as almost-my-own, so L’s sister brought a box of steamed crabs and almost everyone sat down to have a crab feast.  (Since I’m not allowed crabs, I had chorizo-onna-bun.)  T caused a short flurry when, after insisting that she was only allergic to shrimp and lobster and was not either allergic to crabs, and then eating five or six of them, she broke out in a rash all over her face and arms.  L put her to bed with a Benadryl tablet, and after an hour’s nap she was fine again.  (I said she was so allergic to crabs, but she just would NOT be told.  At least it was a mild attack.)

Saturday night I dressed up again—this time in the full Scots version of black-tie—for L’s class-year reunion party (Park School, Class of 1977) over in Pikesville.  I was by far the most dressy person there (in truth, probably waythehell overdressed, but I treated it as a great joke and was having fun), and L’s classmates alternated between mirth and being impressed.  Again, the photographers were all over me wanting poses.  The group was pretty high-powered:  two judges, two doctors, several lawyers, a financier, one woman who alternates working for the World Bank with making stone sculptures and jewelry design, and some others I failed to catch.  The woman who works for the World Bank told about being one of the employees’ association executive committee who first told Paul Wolfowitz he had to resign a few weeks ago, and gave a vivid impression of the all the drama and meetings while he was being turned out.  (She also, of all things, turns out to be a collateral descendant of Alfred Dreyfus, and was horribly offended when Wolfowitz was so crass as to quote “J’accuse” at her during one meeting.  And she told a fascinating story about her father’s escape from France at the beginning of World War II, which might have been taken straight from the script for Casablanca.)

By and large I like L’s high-school classmates much more than I do my own, and I have a good time at her reunions.  (After the disaster of my own twentieth, I refuse to attend any more with my class.)  Still, it seems there’s always got to be one jerk in every crowd.  Last night, it was someone’s husband who thought it was funny to set off his strobe flash directly in my eyes and blind me.  He made me so mad that I not only snarled but bit, and by the time I was done with him he was falling all over himself apologizing, an effort that I found much too little, too late.  (As my mother says, “‘Sorry’ doesn’t fix it.”)

Today’s been a mostly do-nothing day.  L’s mother gave us her late husband’s pickup to replace Piet, and T is ferrying it back to Austin.  This morning we loaded it with a long-case clock, a humpback pressed-tin trunk holding family papers and heirlooms, a pair of vintage sewing machines (Wilcox & Gibbs, and I didn’t have time to inspect them properly and find out just what we have), and a few other odds and ends.  T drove to Smyrna, Tennessee today where she’s spending the night with a Mensan friend, and will get back to Austin sometime VERY late tomorrow.  (It occurs to me I didn’t arrange for anyone to help her unload the clock; I hope she can find a friend.  The clock is light—I picked it up by myself— but its height makes it hard to get through doorways.)

And that catches me up to date, finally.  I don’t know what we might do tomorrow, since Tropical Storm Barry is falling apart over us at the minute and it’s been raining since morning, with more rain forecast Monday and Tuesday.

 

Cuidado con los mensajes del arboles.  Fnord.

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What I Did on My Holidays, Part the Threeth

Friday morning we drove down into Baltimore, since L particularly wanted to see the Baltimore Museum of Industry, and after reading a bit about it I was intrigued as well.  The museum was almost easy to get to, and would have been completely easy if I hadn’t overrun the parking lot entrance as I turned the corner on Key Highway.  That called for a couple of blocks of backing and filling as I crabbed my way back to the entrance, sending L into the white-knuckle brigade over my maneuvering.

The museum is in a converted nineteenth-century oyster cannery building at the head of Locust Point, and is full of all kinds of wonderful things related to anything that has ever been made in the city, from steel ingots to umbrellas.  We prowled through a replica of the drugstore where Noxzema was invented in 1910, complete with its soda fountain just waiting for the soda jerk in his little paper hat to step up and ask ‘What’ll it be today, a sundae?  Banana split?  Milkshake?”  L was stopped dead by a replica of a commercial tailor’s shop, the pattern tag boards for men’s suits hanging in ranks from the ceiling, rolls of fabrics waiting to be cut with the saws on display, industrial sewing machines of several kinds (Piroshki, I saw what looked like another hemstitcher like mine in a pile of machines awaiting conservation), ILGWU picket signs, and I don’t know what all.  I hauled up short when we got to the print shop, entranced by machinery that I’d known and often watched in operation when I was a child.

(In the 1960s, the Comanche Chief was still a hot-type operation, with fifty-year-old Linotypes and hundred-year-old platen presses still in daily use.  The staff used to let me hang around and watch them at work, and I caught the excitement of listening to a lino’s clatter in the hands of an expert operator, picked up the rhythm of feeding a Chandler & Price platen press with blanks for funeral notices to be distributed around town next morning, learned the feel of the building-shaking thump the big web press made, running at full speed on “newspaper days.”)

I was still in the gallery, explaining the machines to M as well as I could without having any of it running to demonstrate, when a docent herded a tour group of third-graders into the gallery, and I eased over to listen from the back of the crowd.  Two or three times when the kids were completely nonplused I contributed answers to move them along (e.g.: What do you call big letters? A: No, not capitals—you call them ‘upper case.’ And why do you do that?  Because in a print shop the case that holds the capital letters sits above the one with the small letters, so it’s the upper case).  I must have sounded like I knew something more than ordinary, because later on the docent hunted me down to ask where I’d learned what I knew about printing, and we had several minutes’ talk.  He said that I should have come on Saturday, which is the day they have people in who run the linotype and presses.  Alas, we couldn’t arrange to come back.  One day we’ll have to go down to the Museum of Printing History in Houston, where they also have letterpress equipment that they run of a weekend.

L and M were both disappointed to find that the S. S. Baltimore (1906), the last operational steam tug on the East Coast, is closed to the public while the museum tries to raise money to repair her hull, which is corroding badly from the inside.  L, of course, is always ready to climb over and around a ship whenever she gets the chance.

Drug and prescription case from the Bunting drugstore

L and M look over the window display of umbrellas, with a trompe l’œil street scene in the background

Working steam engine models, in the machine shop at the Museum of Industry

M catches me trying to take her picture unawares

Five-cylinder steam tugboat engine

Domino Sugar sign, standing on the factory roof as it has since the 1920s

By this time it was after noon and we had to go to pick up T at the airport.  We got turned around coming out of the museum, missed the Key Highway, and ended up struggling our way through Lansdowne to reach the B-W Parkway, driving through some neighborhoods that were nowhere to be after dark, and I wasn’t even happy being there in the middle of the afternoon.  We did finally reach the parkway, got out to Friendship, and picked up T without further incident.

Next  I provide Local Color at two parties.

 

Dreen a nickel for the waxen blueberries.  Fnord.

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What I Did on My Holidays, Part the Twoth

Wednesday I spent very much as though I were at work, buried to my elbows in a computer.  L’s mother had asked for advice in upgrading her system, an Empirical Dementor 4400 that’s five years old and sorta showing its age.  I’d ordered her a new CityBest 320, an entry-level system that’s got all the horsepower she’s likely to need for several years, and a flat panel monitor that just blows away the CRT she was using.  I got her the CityBest instead of another Dementor because (1) I don’t like the Dementor product line and never have, and (2) she wanted to stay with Windows XP instead of changing up to Vista.  Until a few days ago, the Empire refused to sell any Dementor machine with XP rather than Vista on it; they caved in after a huge customer outcry from people who weren’t ready to go to Vista, wanted to wait until the first service pack comes out to get rid of some of the inevitable bugs, didn’t want to buy as much hardware as Vista insists on having, or just plain didn’t like Vista.

Wednesday morning I started opening the boxes, which had arrived the Wednesday before, had everything unpacked in a few minutes and began assembling bits.  I’d also convinced my MIL to try switching from dialup to cable modem for Net access, and the installer came in and hooked up the connection a few days ago.  (I’m less than impressed with the cable company; they managed to louse up her DirecTV connection, trying to share the wire with their Internet signal.  We haven’t got that straightened out till yet.)

The setup, configuration, and data migration were insanely clean, and within a few hours I had a working system with everything talking, registered, installed, and activated.  I even did a debug/format/reinstall on the Demented, and once I got back to the as-shipped factory config with nothing but the OS and drivers on, it was remarkable how much the old girl’s performance improved.

L and I agreed that Thursday was good for taking M to ride on a train, something she’d particularly asked to do.  We drove into southern Pennsylvania to the Strasburg Railroad, a nineteenth-century short line that operates as a working-museum-cum-daisy-picker these days. (“Daisy-picker:  a railroad operating short tourist excursion runs.”)  It was a nice day, so we got tickets for the open-air cars rather than the closed “parlor” cars.  In nineteenth-century terms, this meant we were riding third-class rather than first-class, but M was pleased by it.  Because the railroad lacks a turntable at the far end of the route, the engine hooked up to the rearmost car, where we sat, and backed all the way from Strasburg to Paradise, about a four-mile run.  Sitting next to the engine as we did, we got a fine, smoky, noisy ride of it for the trip out, although the engineer made the locomotive (a Baldwin 2-10-0 Decapod, built in 1924 for the Great Western Railway) run as smoothly and quietly as ever I’ve seen a steam engine go.

When we got to Paradise, at the end of the line (you didn’t know it was so easy to get to Paradise, did you?), the engineer pulled the cars onto a side track, unhooked from the rear car, went around on the main line and rehooked to the first parlor car, and ran forward back to Strasburg.  The round trip took about 45 minutes, about right for a family outing; the little kids don’t have time to get bored and the bigger kids adults get to feel as though they’re having a proper ride for their money.

The fireman watches as #90 backs out of the Strasburg station

A view across the valley

On the cars

#90 cuts loose and backs away at Paradise

Passing us by, on the way to the head of the train

Rounding a curve on the way home

There and back again:  pulling into Strasburg station

We had lunch at the station cafe once we were back, then went (literally) across the road to the Railroad Museum of Pennsylvania, home to an excellent collection of rolling stock and railroad equipment.  M, as is her habit, complained of having to walk so much—at least by her lights—but was still interested by the exhibits when I stopped to explain things about them:  how they were used, how they worked, and so on.  (L says museum visits are generally better when Daddy’s along to explain things, ’cos he generally knows what things are on sight.)

We left the Pennsylvania Station Museum at just before a quarter to four and with enough time to read a magazine, we went back to Baltimore Fallston.

Next:  Industry, and I provide Local Color at a cocktail party.

 

Refurbish the icy snowplow.  Fnord.

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What I Did on My Holidays, Part the Oneth

I’m writing from my MIL’s house in Fallston, Maryland where we’ve been since very very VERY late Tuesday night.  Due to Certain Events (stay tuned for Part the Twoth), I actually have a Net connection that doesn’t make baby Jesus cry to use it.

We made the trip so L can go to her thirtieth high-school class reunion on Saturday and decided, this time, to make the fifteen-hundred-mile drive in two days rather than our normal three, because it’d save a night’s lodging and a day’s meals—significant, given we’re having to finance this trip with a firkin of salt, a buffalo nickel, and half a cheese sandwich.  Doing that run in two days means a minimum of fifteen hours’ driving each day, and that’s being very optimistic.  L, M, and I left Austin Monday in the middle of that PISSING-down flood that went on for long enough to throw us an hour behind time.  We only had to deal with until about Thorndale, at which point we got out from under the leading edge of the front.  After that, weather was about the least of our travel worries.

We stopped for a picnic lunch at Martin Creek Lake State Park, just outside Tatum.  While we were there, L came up with the idea of trying to drive an alternate route across Arkansas, taking US 79 instead of I-40 to try to reduce my stress level.  It didn’t work.  The US highways in Arkansas are all posted at 55 miles an hour rather than 65 or 70, so we started losing LOTS more time relative to our schedule and I started pushing harder on the speed, trying to stop the hæmorrhage.  This ended as you might expect in Fordyce, Arkansas, where I was pulled over for 68/55 (I’d missed the sign, several miles before, where a short stretch posted at 65 went back down to 55 again).  Then, to make things happier, I found I hadn’t put the current insurance card into the car, so all we had was the one for the policy that expired three weeks ago.

SOMEthing/one smiled on us, because the state trooper didn’t ticket us for either offense.  He wrote a warning for speeding and just plain blew off the insurance violation, for which he would have had to cite us; there’s no such thing as a warning for that offense in Arkansas.  I behaved most politely and minded my manners, as my grandmother the deputy sheriff taught me long ago, which I like to think helped a little.  From Fordyce, I set the cruise control for 55 until we could get across to I-530, which runs north from Pine Bluff Arsenal to Little Rock.  After that it was I-40 to West Memphis, then up I-55 through the foot of Missouri to I-155, down and around and back up US-51 through a corner of Tennessee into Kentucky, and start hunting for a motel.  Which wasn’t to be found anyplace.  We missed one at Wingo, and Mayfield, where we looked next, had nothing—the only one we could find had closed its office for the night.  In the end, and in desperation, we ran north all the way to Paducah, where we found a Best Western just at midnight.

Tuesday we slept late, and didn’t start until after nine—which might have been all right, had I not missed the junction where the Wendell H. Ford Western Kentucky Parkway split away from I-24.  (L was doing needlework rather than watching the map and didn’t catch me up on the mistake.)  I didn’t discover it until we got all the way to the Tennessee state line, more than fifty miles out of our way.  We had to backtrack to US 41 and run up to Hopkinsville and Nortonville to get back to the Ford Parkway, losing us more than an hour.

We lost more time when we got to Lexington.  L wanted to try going round Man o’War Boulevard, which looked to be an outer loop on the map but proved to be a suburban ring road, full of local traffic, stoplights, and malls.  We burned yet another quarter of an hour looking for a hypothetical city park where we could have lunch but never did find it.  By the time we had given up on that goose chase and eaten at McDonald’s for lack of any better or faster choice, I was so upset and unhappy that L insisted on taking the wheel herself.

We didn’t lose any more time to mishaps, and the roads through eastern Kentucky and West Virginia (I-64, I-79, and I-68) were wonderfully open and clear, but the time zone change and what time we had lost put us so far back that dark caught us before we got to the Maryland state line near Friendsville, with another four hours and more still to go.

We staggered our way through Cumberland in the dark.  I’d hate to have to do any more than drive through there at night, or go within ten miles of the place in the daylight.  ALL the exits off the interstate were what we would call “corners” in Texas—right-angle turns at the end of a truncated lane.  Pure-dee evil.  Somewhere east of Cumberland Quinn pulled a stunt that spooked L (throttle plate stuck closed, and she didn’t know how to react to it), so once I’d identified what was going on, I took over driving again, to run down I-70 and around Baltimore on the loop.  For a blessing, the county map L had showed a clear way to get from the loop out to Fallston, we only saw three or four deer once we got on Fallston Road (remarkable, seeing that it was almost full moon and prime grazing time for them to be out), and hauled in at L’s mother’s house a little after one in the morning.

Next time:  I install a computer and ride a steam train.

 

The Marathon Man prohibits the whizz.  Fnord.

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A belated birthday present

Fortunately, the present itself wasn’t belated, but my announcement of it is.  Several months ago I started making a piece of needlework to give Hero Woman for SOME event or another—Christmas, or her birthday, or something.  It all depended on how long it took me to get done.  (I have pieces like that, as does L—we know who we mean them to go to, but sometimes it takes a Really Long Time to get them finished.)  This project went quickly, despite my having never worked with silk floss before and having to pick up the tricks of the technique as I went along, but it still took me from October to January to finish the work, and another several weeks to get it to the framer’s.  (Thank heaven the framer is much less poky than I was.)  What with one thing and another, it wasn’t ready until about March, which turned out to be in good time for Hero Woman’s birthday earlier this month.

At the instigation of a needleworker friend I took a picture of it before I gave it to her—the day before her birthday, so in quite good time—but I mislaid the picture files until today.  So in the spirit of “better Nate than lever,” I give you Hero Woman’s birthday present!

Click the thumbnail to see a larger image of the piece

The hatpin itself is worked in Continental stitch four strands over one on 24-count canvas, and the background is worked four over two using condensed mosaic stitch.  The silk flosses are a mixture of Splendor and Soie Cristale and the metallics (the leaves, the veining and the spike of the pin) are a combination of DMC and Kreinik.  To finish it, the framer cut down a 1930s-era frame whose tone picks up and complements the metallic floss.

If I do say so myself, I’m very pleased with the way it came out, and Hero Woman certainly seemed pleased when I gave it her.

 

A Callistian calliope recaptures the screen of an outdated business card.  Fnord.

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New Scots costume

When I got to the Land of Færie this morning, I discovered that a sporran of my father’s that I’d put on consignment some time ago had finally sold last week, and I had $75 coming to me from it.  I took this as a Sign that I was supposed to take action.  I’ve been wanting to get a dress evening sporran for a long while now; the black leather one I have is all right for day wear but leaves me a bit underdressed for a dinner or a party.  Formal sporrans are traditionally made of some kind of fur; these days you mostly see rabbit, fox, or badger.  (I’ve also seen them done in raccoon, skunk, muskrat, and beaver.  Horsehair is generally left to the military or pipe bands.)

But if you’re in Scotland, the traditional sporran fur is sealskin, and they are a common sight in Edinburgh or Glasgow today.  It’s the done thing wherever the kilt is worn—except in the United States.  We have this thing called the 1972 Marine Mammal Protection Act which, among other things, prohibits the importation of anything made with sealskin, including sporrans.  Certainly US citizens can BUY a sealskin sporran abroad, but if they try to get it home it’ll probably get no farther than the nearest Customs shed, where it’ll be seized for later destruction.  However, like all laws, this one has a loophole.  Sealskin articles imported before the MMPA ban can legally be owned and sold, and Customs can’t do a thing about it.  (It’s like owning elephant or walrus ivory.  New tusk bad, hundred-year-old tusk a moot point.)

A while back a guy came in the Land of Færie with a kilt and accessories he wanted to sell.  The kilt was nothing very wonderful—a little tired, but suitable quality for a rennie—but one of the accessories he had was a pre-ban sealskin sporran.  The baleboosteh recognized it for what it was and immediately glommed onto it; by itself it was worth more than what she ended up giving the guy for the whole mess.  She priced it out and put it on display, and there on the shelf it sat until today, when I claimed it for me.  It’s very, very pretty; the fur is a grayish-brown mottled with black, finer than any fox you’ll ever see, and lots less fluffy-foofy than bunny or badger.  The cantle looks to be chromed steel, and the original straps were obviously made for someone about six inches smaller round the waist than I am, so I had to trade up to something more my size.  (Fortunately, this was easy to do.)  It looks very much like this.  It took me a while of admiring it all this evening before I was willing to put it away in the kilt bag.  (Note to self:  Work out some way to store a very small amount of mothballs in the bag to keep out bugs while not impregnating everything with camphor.)  The NEXT thing I must do is get a new belt buckle; the chrome plating is flaking off mine like crazy, and the sharp edges of chrome sticking up keep cutting microscopic slits in my fingertips.

The first chance I’ll have to show it off is at L’s high school reunion, in about three weeks; there’s supposed to be a cocktail party and a dinner that will call for dress.  (L is talking about trying to make me a Prince Charlie jacket in time to wear, as well; personally, I think she’s waited a bit late so I reserved one of the shop’s jackets as a just-in-case.)

 

He thought he saw a rattlesnake that questioned him in Greek.  Fnord.

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I keep chewing through the leather straps anyway

I think I’ve mentioned before that the Empire has a grand and continuing Problem with making driver CDs for out-of-production Empirical systems available to customers who need them for one reason or another, and how much of a pain it is to have to burn them by hand and overnight them manually to the customers (our current best stopgap solution).  I believe it’s a need that will never ever go away, and I’m a member of a team that is looking for a better way to meet the need.

Today, after a con-call meeting last week about ways and means, one of the White Hats in the Product group sent several of us part of an email someone had sent him, questioning why we are looking for ways to send physical media of the driver CDs to customers when All Right-Thinking Computer Manufacturers Should Force Their Customers to Download All the Drivers, Every Time.  This imbecile said

“I would like for this team to map out a new policy that teaches consumer customers how to fish.  Dispatching a CD should be the very last resort.  Can customers go to their nearest kiosk, library, friend, relative and download drivers?  They can and they should . . . not only does it prevent a dispatch, they will get their drivers sooner, the drivers will be more up to date/targeted to their platform, and they will be less likely to call us the next time they need them.”

(The correct answer, kiddies, is “we’ve been pushing exactly that solution for the last two years and it’s failed spectacularly because customers don’t BEHAVE that way.”)  Our Lab Queen, the person who’s actually having to MAKE all these custom-burned CDs for Auric and case-escalation customers, answered

“Ideally, yes, but this is failing on the push thus far.  People just seem to feel safer with the physical media.  We all know they should be using the latest drivers on the web, and still we have this many requests.”

I was so annoyed by the effrontery of anyone still seriously propounding “let them eat downloads” that I went a lot further.  I wrote the following back to everyone originally in the email exchange, and added copies to my outgoing great-grandboss, my incoming great-grandboss, and my great-great-grandboss.  (I figured I don’t have to worry about copying great-great-great-grandboss; if g-g-gboss thinks he needs to see it, g-g-gboss will make sure he does.)

I’m seconding S___, and I’m very angry to find that, at this stage of the process, we still have some people involved with this project who are so completely OFFboard and antagonistic to fixing the issue we’re trying to fix.  I will point out again (and AGAIN and again and again) that the our target audiences for the issue of replacement driver CDs for legacy systems—indeed, for any system—are the home user, the small business user, and the remote-location corporate user.  Any of them is more likely than not to be unable, either through lack of spare working systems, lack of technical knowledge, or lack of dedicated IT support staff, to be able to download most-current drivers from the Web in some usable form, and most particularly so in the case of an OS reinstall or hard drive failure, where the very thing that’s broken is what we’re telling them to use to fix their issues.

Saying “we should teach customers to fish” becomes a nugacity, and indeed an insolence, when the customer’s only pole is broken in two and his line is tangled round a branch.  (That old saw serves as such a blanket excuse for shirking work that I wish it had never been said.)  The customer with a broken system does not WANT a course in systems maintenance, he wants a working computer, and he perceives our divagations into “what we think customers should know how to do” as blaming the victim.

And “oh, we want our customers only to use the very latest drivers available” plays as a red herring when said to a home or small business customer.  They generally don’t CARE whether they have the latest drivers.  They care whether MS Word and Excel will open and whether Internet Explorer will pull up their Yahoo mail accounts, and if older-rev drivers installed from a drivers CD can make that happen, they’re happy with it.

I will also say again, and I say it from three years’ experience as a customer-facing front-line tech, that our continued insistence on forcing customers into Do-It-Yourself to get drivers and utilities they need, balking at every step in the replacement-media process, is causing unending bad customer experience, and our dissatisfied customers get great pleasure from using it as an effective stick to beat us with, spreading as far as they can that “the Empire doesn’t care anything about helping their customers.”  And you know what?  When I sit in their seats and look at it, they have a great big point!  Their script runs “The Empire was all about selling me a computer, but after they got the money from me—pssh!  When I needed help with it they tried to nickel-and-dime their way out of doing anything more than they were absolutely forced to, and I had to scream continuously for days to get them to do what they should have done without having to be told.”  Our choices are making life harder for our home and small business customers, they naturally resent the daylights out of it, and they tell anyone who will listen.  And these days, there are a LOT of anyones who are listening.

About an hour later, Incoming g-gboss copied me on an email he sent to the product group White Hat saying “let’s you and me sit down together and talk about who’s spouting this kind of crap and figure out what we should do about it.”  Not long after that, Outgoing g-gboss stopped by to tell me that his Word for Today was now “nugacity.”  He didn’t know what it meant, and when he went to Merriam-Webster’s Web site to look it up, M-W said “Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh . . . that’s one of our PREMIUM words, and we’ll only tell you what it means if you buy a subscription from our online service!”  He declined to subscribe and went Somewhere Else Instead to look up what it meant.

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A solemn yoke stuck therapy like a mo-fo.  Fnord.

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FX: Wind in canyon

That’s what it FEELS like, anyway.  Doctor Jim Bob pulled the packing from my nose yesterday afternoon and suctioned out the remaining gunk, gave me a copy of the pathology report and sent me home.  He told me I can go back to work when I feel like, so I’m going tomorrow.  That’s a week off, and quite as much sick leave as I have any business using.

He said I made the OR rather lively while I was in last Wednesday, and threw everyone’s schedules out of whack.  (Sounds exactly like me, I think.)  Doctor Jim Bob told me that during this kind of cleanout procedure, the average patient loses fifty to sixty milliliters of blood.

Me?  I dropped 475 ml, or in round terms, a full pint.

It appears that my nasal tissues are just as vascular as all hell, and of course this wasn’t helped by all the old scar tissue from previous nose jobs sitting in there.  Doctor Jim Bob said it was a good thing that endoscopic technology, especially the suction, has advanced as much as it has, ’cos otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to see enough to take out what he was after for all the blood, and he would have had to give it up as a bad job.  Fortunately, technology IS much better than thirty years ago, when I had my first nose job, or even twenty years ago, when I had my last one, so he was able to finish successfully despite everything I could throw at him.

(It occurs to me that I’ve probably always been this vascular; as I mentioned, one common post-surgical event for me was to have to vomit a stomachful of blood that collected down there while I was on the table.  The much-improved suction and tools means that this time I didn’t have enough blood down there to leave me ill afterwards.  <marthastewart>And that’s a good thing!</marthastewart>)

The pathology report was pretty lurid as these things go; it involved terms like “mucoid debris,” “fungal hyphae,” and “focally abundant.”  The better bits said things like “no atypia or malignancy.”  I reduced it to something like English, and it said “you have lots of old scar tissue, overgrown polyp tissue, and a king-hell fungal invasion in there.  I haven’t identified the beastie for certain yet, but it looks like some sort of Aspergillus, the way it branches.  You don’t have cancer.  You may have a rare, somewhat intractable fungal problem; can’t tell for sure until some more cultures we’re doing come back, but I wouldn’t get excited, it’s highly unlikely.”

L said I was a lot less noisy bed partner last night—that’s no surprise, I have a lot less to snore with now!  I have a better airway than I’ve had any time these last three years, and that’s awfully nice too.  I still notice some blurred vision, which is a fairly common side effect of letting a doctor rummage in the front of my skull; probably it’ll go away again and if not, I’ll take up the matter with the ophthalmologist when I see him in June.

 

Store your gupas on a remanufactured Sharpie.  Fnord.

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Upon Seeing the Met Masters at MFAH

TxAnne is right; the art at the Met exhibition will knock you down and sit on you.  Not every single piece, of course.  There were several artists included (e.g., Modigliani) whose work gives me the griping dyspepsia.  But even with them included, there were times I had to stop cold and back away until I could stand to go forward again.

I had some fairly strong misgivings about whether I had any business even going to Houston so soon after getting my nose fixed, but L insisted we had to go without fail, and that this weekend would be less risky of selling out than next weekend, the last before the exhibition closed, and she herd-dogged all of us into the car and away.  (About that time, we found that M had broken out with SOMEthing on both cheeks—we still don’t know what; she says it doesn’t itch and she hasn’t a fever—but by that point it was too late to turn round.)

We got to Houston in time to have lunch before our admission time of 1:30 PM, and we stopped at a barbecue place on Shepherd across from Bookstop for some VERY mediocre BBQ, I thought.  Still, it was adequate enough for lunch and got us out again in good time to be back at the museum.  We also got very lucky and found a parking space in the free lot just north of the Law Building, making for a very short walk that my legs appreciated.  We ducked down through the disorientation tunnel to the Beck Building, were in our place in line a few minutes early, and got let in at 1:20.

I found myself the least engaged by the earliest pieces in the exhibition.  I didn’t like the idealization so beloved of Ingres, David, and the Academicians.  (Émile Zola nailed it solidly when he accused one painting, Cabanel’s Birth of Venus, of being “drowned in a river of milk, resembl[ing] a delicious courtesan, not made of flesh and bone – that would be indecent – but of a sort of pink and white marzipan.”)  I didn’t take, for example, to Ingres’s insistence on idealization at the expense of truth, in the same way I don’t care for the purposeful distortions the Mannerists used in their pursuit of a stylized “elegance.”

I started liking the show a LOT more once we got into the Barbizons:  Courbet, early Manet and Degas, and Corot.  I adored Courbet’s Jo, la belle Irlandaise for his ability to suggest her freckled complexion without being so gross as actually to paint freckles.  And his nudes look like by-God women, and not men with cones stuck on their chests.  Corot’s pieces were accomplished, but the limited, damped-down palette left me feeling a bit distant from his subjects.  But when we went into the next room with Manets . . . .

Oh.  My.  God.

THIS is what the exhibition was about.  The incredible handling of light and color pushed me back and drew me in at the same time.  I choked up standing in front of Manet’s Boating, held by the near-fluorescent light playing across the shoulder of the man’s shirt and the almost transparent texture of his companion’s dress.  (I debated myself for a long time whether she was Mme. Manet, Mme. Monet, or someone else.  In the end I voted for Mme. Manet.)  Equally, his Dead Christ and the Angels looks backward to El Greco and forward to Dalí, with its hard, foreshortened perspective.  Seeing the body sprawled forward out of the picture plane, there is no question in your mind:  this man is dead.

After that, canvas after canvas left me with the same shaken-by-the-throat feeling from their intensity of light and color:  Pissarro’s Garden of the Tuileries and Rue de l’Épicerie, Rouen, Renoir’s Waitress at Duval’s Restaurant and Portrait of Margot Berard, Sisley’s Bridge at Villeneuve-la-Garenne.  (One curious side point:  the skies painted by Sisley, an Englishman, were much clearer and harder than any of the skies painted by any of his French contemporaries, and prefiguring the hard lights and shadows of the Wyeths.  Was it just him, or did the English perceive the same sky in a different way?)

As every good dramatic work should do, the exhibition built up to its knockout punches:  Monet, van Gogh, Cézanne, and the Cubists.  Frankly, the one van Gogh piece included (Cypresses, painted during his time in the asylum at Saint-Rémy) made me very uncomfortable.  L said her impression was that if van Gogh had changed his palette from greens to reds, that it would have been like a tower of flame, a literal “burning bush.”

Of course Monet’s works included the inevitable water lilies, a sunset view of the Houses of Parliament in London that reminded me of his paintings of the Rouen Cathedral ten years before, a loving portrait of his son, and a totally arctic Ice Floes, to which the online link doesn’t begin to do justice.  Seeing the actual painting feels almost like standing in a white-out, it’s all so pale and cold.

But as astonishing as the Monets were, to my mind the Cézannes still knocked them back.  I choked up again in front of The Gulf of Marseilles Seen from L’Estaque.  I don’t know what he did, but I can’t ever doubt he did it, and it’s still there to see.

By this point I felt there were almost TOO many pieces to handle at once, but I tried it anyhow.  The study for Seurat’s La Grande Jatte couldn’t help but almost jump off the wall and spin you around, shouting “Look at ME!!”  L was even more taken with the tree trunks in his Forest at Aubert.  At another extreme, I could feel the heat radiating off the buildings at Bonnard’s Saint-Tropez Harbor; I had to take a step back, the impression was so intense.

At the very end of the exhibition were two or three Picassos, a Braque, and the Modglianis I mentioned before.  There’s practically nothing to say about Picasso that hasn’t been said, I thought the Braque was one of his less memorable ones, and I wouldn’t cry if every Modgliani that ever has been were to disappear.  I would have liked better to end the show at the Post-Impressionists, or if they just HAD to include a Picasso, let it be the portrait of Gertrude Stein, which I love not only for itself but for its subject.

Once we left the Met exhibition gallery, L asked whether I wanted to go back and look at an exhibition of flower and fruit still-lifes by the Dutch artist Jan van Huysum and some of his contemporaries.  I did, and am ever so glad I did so.  Van Huysum, of whom I’d never heard before, had an absolutely unmatched technique with floral still-lifes.  If you can, go find a coffee-table book of his work.  It’ll keep you engrossed for hours—or it would me.

 

Cabbage the rose with a poppy ant.  Fnord.

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Off to See the Wi . . . uh, Impressionists

So we’re going to see an exhibition of Impressionist painting at the Museum of Fine Arts in Houston this Saturday.  Ever since she heard about it, L has been pushing me to go because THIS exhibition is from the permanent collection of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, and the paintings are only being lent because the galleries that normally house them are closed for a multi-year overhaul.  After the exhibition closes in Houston, two weeks from now, it goes to the Neue Nationalgalerie in Berlin for four or five months, and then back to New York.  Several of the paintings have never left the Met before and, according to its director, probably never will again.  And given the probability that I’ll ever visit Manhattan OR the Met (not Pygmalion likely!), this will be my only chance to see them, just like the Vermeer exhibition at the National Gallery in Washington back in ’95.  (I promise, one day I will get round to telling that story.)

Thing is, I’m about half-convinced I half-promised someone else I’d do or be something/where else on Saturday.  I just hope it wasn’t anything earth-shattering.  So if I did promise you something, please let me know so we can reschedule because I just paid $47 for tickets for M, L, and me to get in on the 1:30 PM timeslot Saturday.

And I can’t reschedule that.

 

Eddie from Ohio performs “Wachet Auf!” in the shower.  Fnord.

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