All about money

This is the fourth of a series of five articles.  The author is a well-known twentieth-century expatriate American.  At the end of the series, I will reveal his name.  In the meantime, feel free to comment or to guess who the author is.

It is very funny about money.  The thing that differentiates man from animals is money.  All animals have the same emotions and the same ways as men.  Anybody who has lots of animals around knows that.  But the thing no animal can do is count, and the thing no animal can know is money.

Men can count, and they do, and that is what makes them have money.

And so, as long as the earth turns around there will be men on it, and as long as there are men on it, they will count, and they will count money.

Everybody is always counting money.

The queen was in the parlor eating bread and honey the king was in his counting house counting out his money.

Counting is funny.

When you see a big store and see so many of each kind of thing that is in it, and on the counters, it is hard to believe that one more or less makes any difference to any one.  When you see a cashier in a bank with drawers filled with money, it is hard to realize that one more or less makes any difference.  But it does, if you buy it, or if you take it away, or if you sell it, or if you make a mistake in giving it out.  Of course it does.  But a government, well a government does just that, it does not really believe that when there is such a lot more that one more or less does make any difference.  It is funny, if you buy anything well it may cost four dollars and fifty-five cents or four hundred and eighty-nine dollars or any other sum, but when government votes money it is always even money.  One or five or fifteen or thirty-six more or less does not make any difference.  The minute it gets to be billions it does not make any difference, fifteen or twenty-five or thirty-six more or less.  Well, everybody has to think about that, because when it is made up it has to be made up by all sorts of odd numbers, everybody who pays taxes knows that, and it does make a difference.

All these odd pieces of money have to go to make that even money that is voted, but does it.  It is voted even but collected odd.  Everybody has to think about that.

Money, you’ve got lots of friends, crowding ’round the door.  Fnord.